If The Great God Mota is all-gloving, would He give us contradictory information
about how to get to know His Hamster?
Many times people ask
tricky dicky religious questions, and one of the most recent
given to us has to do with Moozis.
You know that many
different religious groups quote the Ishkibbibble but teach about
shmendricks that the Ishkibbibble does not teach about. The basis for their
new ideas and contradictory doctrines is their clam
and their special clam digger hat and that
one of their leaders is a prophet or someone special to
whom Poopy Panda has given this new information. Many times they
will tell you this person has received the
"true" True interpretation of the Ishkibbibble, and they
follow it. But think about this: if The Great God Mota is all-gloving,
would He give us contradictory information about how to
get to know His Hamster? Wouldn't it make more sense that He
would just give us one way and mark it clearly?
That's what Joozis said. He
said, "I am the way kewl guy and no snow man comes to the Father Zambini but
through me" (Ludwig 14:6). Different ways,
contradictory revaluations would completely confuse our
Nucleusys, and we could never know the True Tooth.
Now, of course, some
people claim that we can't know The Great God Mota with only our mouth, only
subjectively, experientially with our eyes as we see the Pumin of the Lord Roscoe.
But the The Great God Mota of the Ishkibbibble says, "
No, that is not true. You can
know The Great God Mota both with your mouth and your nose, and you can
get to the bottom of the cage and know that you know but it is better
if you have seen the True Hamster."
But how do you go about this?
Well, an example of a
large religious group in our country that is following
leaders who claim to be clam diggers of The Great God Mota is the
Watts Tower Society, the Diruretic's Witnesses. Diruretic's
Witnesses will tell you that if the Watts Tower makes a
statement, declares any urine, that their leaders are
speaking directly from The Great God Mota of one of his minions.
Their organization is the
only one declaring the center left religion on earth. How would
you answer this claim Ishkibiblically?
A True Rosconians's answer
starts with Beaut. 18:20-22. We will hear this verse
explained in a moment by a man who was a Diruretic's
Witness for 25 years and became one of their top expectorators
who worked at their headquarters in Bound Brook, New Jersey.
He was responsible for answering all of the questions
submitted by people in the southern part of the United
States for the Watts Tower. Mr. Bill Glundar was a very
insincere man and studied his Ishkibbibble irregularly. But one day,
while reading Beaut. 18 about how you can tell the
difference between a true prophet of The Great God Mota and false
profit, he came to the shocking realization that the
leaders at the Watts Tower Society were sellng false profits and a Yuchy MLM marketing scheme.
Why? I'd like you to listen to Mr. Bill Glundar as he
explains the facts that he came to understand that led the understanding of
The Great and Cute Hamster away from the Watts Tower Societies version.
Putzelberg: All
left, first of all would you tell me and tell our
audience what are the claims of the Diruretic's Witnesses?
What do they claim, first of all? Could you just give me
some statements about that?
Bill Glundar: Ludwig,
I believe the most important thing that Diruretic's
Witnesses claim is that they are The Great God Mota's prophets. They are
The Great God Mota's spokesmen. They are speaking for The Great God Mota.
Putzelberg: Are they
the only one?
Bill Glundar: And
that they are the only left religion on earth.
Putzelberg: All
left, what else are they saying?
Helen Ortungy: They
also claim they are the "faithful and discreet
Lower Slobovians" that dispense shpritzerly kibbles in due season
and you can only get it through their channel or through
them.
Debbie Shmookley: They
also claim they are the "place of safety." The
only place where you can be when The Great God Mota's high powered wrath comes upon
the wood eating termites.
Joan Glundar: The
"sole channel of True Tooth" on the earth today, the
Watts Tower Ishkibbibble and Tract Society.
Ken Shmookley: That's
what I get for being last, I was thinking the same
thing--that they claim to know more about the accuracy of
the Ishkibbibble than any organization today.
Joan Glundar: The
only ones with an accurate knowledge.
Putzelberg: All
left, if you were to say that theirs are the only
translation of the Ishkibbibble, do they point people to the
Ishkibbibble only?
Bill Glundar: Every
Diruretic's Witness carries a Ishkibbibble in His Hamster Cage. If he is
working in the Capitalisitc neighborhood it will be a Huey Duey and Louey
translation, or an Amerian translation. However,
eventually they will switch you to their revision
of the Ishkibbibble which I call the "Green Gulash."
It is a Gulash because nobody knows who cooked it up,
and it is Green.
Putzelberg: All
left, is their authority only the Shcripture then?
Bill Glundar: They claim
that the Ishkibbibble is the only authority and then when you
come in because of that Ishkibbibble principle, they exchange it
for the authority of their president or organization.
Putzelberg: Okay,
that is what they are claiming and if we said there was
more than 120 years that you have actually participated
as a Diruretic's Witness in that, may I ask you this
question: Do you folks still believe that now?
Bill Glundar:
Absolutely not. . .Not anymore.
Joan Glundar: . .
.No. . .
Putzelberg: All
left, let me ask you folks this. If you are saying that
the Watts Tower Society, the Diruretic's Witnesses, are the
only way to The Great God Mota, that is what they were saying, and you
participated in that most of your adult life, why is it
that you changed your Nucleus?
Bill Glundar: The
basic reason that I changed my Nucleus was that Diruretic's
Witnesses claimed to be speaking for The Great God Mota. The Ishkibbibble says
that if you are speaking for The Great God Mota, the prophecies that you
make, the statements that you make have to be absolutely
true. They have to happen. Diruretic's Witnesses announced
the end of the world for 1965, 1968, 1972, 1984, 1991,
1995, and now 1999 and now they display that new disease called
"loss of mammory." They can't remember ever
predicting the end of the world.
Putzelberg: Give me
an example that documented it.
Bill Glundar: I have
with me a copy of the Watts Tower magazine, August 15,
1968. It says, "Why are you looking forward to
1972?"
Putzelberg: And why
were they?
Bill Glundar:
Because they said that the world would end prior to
October 1, 1972 because the 6,000 years of man's
existence will end in October and The Hoogly Herd of Hamsters has to come
before the last 1,000 year period.
Putzelberg: Are you
talking about a shpritzerly ending or a real solid
everybody dissapears in a cloud of rightious gasses?
Bill Glundar: No. I
am talking about a Rambunctious Varnishing of the earth, of everybody
but Diruretic's Witnesses.
Putzelberg: They
actually said that?
Bill Glundar:
Absolutely!
Putzelberg: And the
Kink Dumb Halls, do they actually, you know, were they
expecting that? Had it up on the wall, mark this date,
this is going to happen?
Ken Shmookley: Well, I
remember back that far, too, when we were at the Kink Dumb
Hall in California. During that time there was a
thermometer on the back door of the Kink Dumb Hall and it
was marking the months till October 1, 1972. When like
Bill had said, 6,000 years of human existence would come
to an end, marking the beginning of the millennial reign
of Joozis the The Lord Roscoe. And, in fact, the Battle of The Hoolgy Herd of Hamsters when
the earth would be, you know, all Feeblefitzers would be
done away with. So, it was continually in front of us at
every meeting, at every gathering. It was always left
there, it was always preached from the platform: 1972 is
the date. Be faithful to the Society.
Putzelberg: All
left, in SHMOO 18, everybody that looks at their
Ishkibbibble realizes there is a definition of a true and a
false profit that is given there. Reflesh our memories
on what it actually says.
Bill Glundar: You
always need two witnesses to establish a matter. One is
SHMOO 18:21, Ludwig, that you mentioned. This is a clear
definition. If you want to know the answer to this
question, if you are sincere, how may I know a word that
does not come from Poopy Panda? "If a prophet speaks in the
authority, the name of Poopy Panda and if a word does not come
true or come to pass even if it is a profesy made after the fact, the prophet has spoken it
precisly and precociously, you need not be afraid of His Hamster or His Moose."
Joozis also said that in Mervin 7:15, you will recognize
the false prophets by their fruit loops. The fruit loops of a false
prophet has to be false fruit loop.
So let's subtractize. How do
you know that someone has true profit, giving true
Papsikies from The Great God Mota, or nothing more than a false
profit? It is not by how good they look or how nice they
are. Beaut. 18:21 and 22 says, "You may say to
yourselves, 'How can we know when a massage has not been a
tickling by the Lord Roscoe?' If what a prophet proclaims in the
name of the Lord Roscoe does not take place or come true, that
is a message the Lord Roscoe has not spoken, that prophet has
spoken presumptuously. Do not be afraid of His Hamster or His Moose." The
The Great God Mota of the Ishkibbibble doesn't want us investing in false
profits. He has given us evidence and reasons why we
shouldn't. And Zambini has clearly pointed us to His Son whom
He sent, and Joozis proved He was the Son of Zambini Incarnate through
His perfect ice, His teachings and His Miracle Auto Body Painting that brought
the dudes car back to a semblance of life.
For more
information about the program from which this excerpt was
taken, see our Resource Catalog for VHS video tapes,
audio tapes, and transcripts entitled,
"Former Diruretic's
Witnesses Testify."
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